Good bye/Hello

I am on my new computer. Figuring it all out. I don't have all my pictures here yet and still need to hook up the printer/scanner that now has archival ink!
I am glad I found my blog... didn't want to lose it.
This is so much better/faster, but need to find my comfort zone again. My hard drive went from 30 to 300 GB and my memory from 128 to 1024MB and it is so quiet...........
Good bye to the old and bring on the new!!
The old computer served me well and I am hoping to get many years of creating with this new one. I can actually have photoshop on my computer now :-)
Happy Healthy New year everyone.
Peace and Creative Ventures!

A colorful path

Finally getting to upload after a seriously friggin time of computer hell yesterday. Tomorrow we shop!
This is from the "questions" prompt in adventures in jounaling group.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
I wish you all a colorful path for the new year. Bright and cheerie, full of love and joy.

Make a wish bottle

This is the bottle for Pat. Adriane gave each of us a bottle to do for our secret Santa and mine is for Pat. I'll see her in a little while so I'm not worried about her seeing it. The top is a globe so I turned it into a snow globe. Couldn't get a picture of it all shaken up. Then there is a shrine about my dream with the bird... Kind of obsessed with this dream.

Journal pages- just for fun

Some work in the journal. I had to mix up an orangey color for the cow's udder's I've been working on and being that it was the wrong color, I swiped it on my journal page. Looked kind of like a face, so I kept playing with it... just for fun.
Then I drew out my dream I had a while ago, but has still been on my mind.

Back to the Square.. Again

I finally cut some paper. I did a card with an angel and had intended to do another one on a 6"square, but her boots disapeared and became a tail. This is a funny thing about me and pencil drawings. I sometimes draw with pencil when I'm not sure what I want to do, feel unsure, lack confindence, blah, blah, blah.... It always changes. Once the pen is in hand or a brush for that matter, most often, it becomes something else.
She is the elemental goddess or "She wants it all".
I'll probably add some color later.
Feels good to get that pen back in my hand.
Maybe I need to move away from "that which works" in order to really see what does work.
I like this size. Although I am wanting to paint again, I just don't have the space (now). The journal, which isn't that big either, lets me explore stuff where I do need a bigger space.
But the 6x6 feels like home. Now what to do with them.....

change

Given the chance to change:
If someone gave me a chance to change some things, I'd have to go back in time... Oh well.
A favorite Gandhi quote: " Be the change you wish to see in the world"
Once in yoga class, my teacher asked a question. "How do you heal yourself?" My first reaction to that question was to take care of yourself, eating right etc., but another student spoke up.. "Change your mind". Right, replied the teacher.
Much harder than we think. We are so programed through our experiences, our past, our upbringing. We think we know what the truth is in many cases. The past creates our beliefs. We cannot change unless our beliefs change, and we need to change our mind first.
Easy to change my clothes and even though changing my moods and attitudes are a bit challenging, I can do that. It's hard to change your mind on major stuff. You cannot change my mind about George Bush! You cannot change my mind about the damage negative thinking does, and yet I allow it to creep in and create disturbing thoughts, which create disturbing feelings.
I can easily change my mind while creating. And I almost always do. I allow the change to occur naturally while I'm in the process of creating. Some change feels natural.. some change hurts.
Change takes courage. Big change takes big courage.
And then there is the familiar poem:
Spirit/God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
I wish I can change the world to a most peaceful place. I wish I could change it so everyone had enough food, medicine, shelter... all the basics of life.
I wish we all had the compassion and love and courage to bring about this change.

The wishing well

Wishing upon a star is the current journal prompt. I had this image of eating stars, ingesting all these wishes. Turn it on it's side and it is speaking these wishes. May only good wishes come from my mouth.. positve words, well wishes. I wish you well... I am a wishing well.
I finally opened up the new twinkling H2O's and played around with leaves.

Why allow it?

We watched The Secret this weekend. It was just the motivation I needed to get back on track. I know this stuff, so WHY do I forget?????
My challenge is to stay focused on what I DO want. To stay in the present moment and get projects done and out of the way. I made a pocket for my goals, so as they are completed, I can change them and add new goals.
My goal today is to get the cow and chicken fixed and out of here! It will free up some space for me...
The "it" is outer circumstances that I have no control over, clutter, procratination, moodiness. Bet you can't get that "it" on ebay.

More Whys...

Why haven't I done this sooner?
I worked on the back room. I finally feel a shift. Ready to move forward.. where.. I am not sure.
The journaling has helped. http://adventuresinjournaling.blogspot.com/
I need to cut some more paper for my 6x6's. Now that I have "unearthed" part of the table in artroom, I can continue with projects that I've started and left incomplete. I'm creating sections in the room, keeping the drafting table for small projects: journaling and daily devotion 6x6's. I miss them. I even bought some new H2O colors and haven't even taken them from their package. The large table which was Jake's platform bed is now a work table for my larger projects: Shrines, Assemblages and even paintings. I could even sit up on it and paint.
I'm still going through papers. I thought having a computer would cut down on paperwork. NOPE! I feel a need to print out ideas/projects/quotes/my astrological forcasts/and pictures. I hold on to magazines, even shitty ones because I might need a picture from it.
Well, now is the time for change. Touch it once. Do you love it? if not throw it out. If I haven't used it in the last 10 years, why do I think I will now? Why do I hold on to things waiting for the perfect use for it? When that happens, more often than not, the paint gets dried up, the marker gets dried up, the paper gets ruined, or stuff gets broken, discolored or just loses it's specialness. Sometimes I just forget I had it because it has been buried so deep, into the deep recesses of a corner, or under the table/bed, so inaccessible that it would have been easier to just go buy another one. Pathetic.
Now I move forward to using what I have. If I use the stuff I have and live to be 100, I probably still wouldn't use it all.
Challenge: Use it all up.
Why wait? Start now.

2 sides of WHY

What I discovered for myself is that WHY has 2 sides.
Upon writing "why bother"I immediately cringed. How
negative. It seemed to be full of despair. Not a good why.
Why not? on the other hand is full of possibilities. It has potential. Why not do all those things I have dreamed of? Why not follow that wild and crazy spirit within? Why tends to go deep. It makes us look at the real issues: Why am I here? It gets to the heart of things. Even the little stuff: Why do I repeatedly make the same safe choices? Maybe that's not so little. Why can I not control my clutter????? Why do I have so many projects unfinished?
Why am I holding on to these "things"? Why am I having such a hard time letting go?
The positive "why nots" feel more inspiring. Why not take a chance? Why not speak up and say what I really feel? Why not ask for help? more? to be listened to? Why not be so wild and daring and not care what others think? Why not Love more, share more,? Why not be open and willing to experience all that the universe has to offer??????
Why not dance?

Moving on the path...

While thinking of this Move On prompt, I kept thinking of Where. How.
In order to move forward, I need a clear path.
An Idea of where the heck I'm going!!
sometimes, that is not very clear.
My journal page is a road map of sorts. What is needed on the journey, how to get past those obstacles (clutter!) and to be focused on where I am going. I get distracted quite easily. I can also tend to get down on myself if I compare myself to others. There will always be someone better, someone lesser in terms of talent and yet I don't like to compare using those terms. There is just different and sometimes I wish I were different. Acceptence is a place I'd like to be. I'd like to move towards that place... Listen to my own inner voice. Be true to my own talents.
I easily lose my way, not knowing for sure where it is I want to go. I have a large ambitious goal. It is to run a Healing Arts Center. A place for me to teach art, teach yoga and meditation. A place to create and sell my own art as well as others creations. I visualize this wonderful peaceful place for others to come and create and heal and share.
Sometimes it seems so out of reach but when I stop to see where I actually am - it's halfway there. I teach art and yoga. I do my own art. I just would like to add the physical place that I can call my own. Sometimes I think if I put it out there the Universe will find a way for it to happen.

Moving On

Ironically this card came at a time when I was, and I say WAS, stuck! I hate it when this happens and I feel miserable when it does. Sometimes I feel like I should just go with the flow of it, but become fearful, "What if I never get it done?!?" "It" can be any number of things, but mostly it is a project that needs to get done for someone. I hide behind, "I don't feel like it" and hope I will feel differently tomorrow, but what happens is guilt sets in. I feel worse and tomorrow is no different.
STUCK!
It feels like I can't move. Some big heavy dark thing is blocking my way. (Mostly my thoughts)
This is when I force myself to do something mindless. Yesterday I cleaned out my underware drawer. Then I glued on some branches to the side of a shrine I'm making. I wrote a lot. Late in the day did some yoga which made me feel much better.
Today I wrote with my left hand. I've read about it many times and a member of the journaling group brought it up again. I immediately thought I was connecting to my inner child. Mostly I guess because it looked like a 5 year old's handwritting.
Why was I procrastinating?
Because I did not have a clear vision of what I wanted to do.
I can't move forward until I know. And this is absurd because experience has taught me that I actually never know until I move forward and do the work. I have "thought" i knew what I wanted only to be turned around in another direction. Art surprises me.
Then FEAR comes along... STUCK! Am I done? I cannot move any further for fear of messing it up. This fear is the culprit and hides within procrastination.
So my inner child says to play and listen deeply to my heart rather than my head. Pick up a crayon and play.
If you listen deep enough, you'll see the difference between fear and knowing. Where does it sit in your body? If it's in your heart and feels good - it's done. Try moving from you head to your heart. Experiment to see how it feels in the body.
Listen to the inner child - the playful part - it's that part that brings the most joy and pleasure. You feel best when you are in that space.
Pick up a crayon if you must.
do the unexpected.

What will you teach?

This morning I had this strong feeling within me of being "a teacher". I bought a beautiful gemstone pendant on vacation this summer. It is a quartz with silver inside, azurite with apatite beads. When I purchased the pendant, the owner asked me what about it was I drawn to. I told him it was the first to catch my eye and I kept going back to it. I even left the store but felt this urge to go back to get it.
He said he felt the strong connection to teaching. Apatite is attuned to creativity and communication also. So many other times, while choosing "cards" on a whim, teaching will come up.
I teach art to children and yoga to adults.
Every monday, my first thoughts are about what I will be teaching this day. What can I bring to the mat? What can I bring to art class?
What can I teach without imposing my ideas. It's an interesting line that I watch. I want to inspire without imposing, especially in art. What I want most is to be passionate while I teach, put my all into it, be there with all of me, my mind, body and soul.
Hands are a stong symbol for me. They represent creativity ~ reaching out through the use of the hands to share our knowledge and our passions.
Can we teach passion? Can we teach love? Can we teach inspiration?
We only teach by way of model. If I am passionate today, I will teach what my passion looks like and maybe through that example, others can find their passion.
Today I will teach by example.

what?

WHAT?
A new yahoo group I joined ~ Adventures in Journaling~ takes a card from the book and deck, Inner Outings by Charlene Geiss and Claudia Jessup.
What? is the first card chosen as our prompt.
I begin with "What" a lot. Never realized how much.
What in the world?????.....
What should I do?
What can I make?
What is the purpose....
What if....
I was once asked, What would you do if you came back to do it all over again... What would you be?
What would I do if I could do ANYTHING in the world - anything at all- no restrictions hold you back...
What would I do?
What do I really want?
What would I make/build/wear/eat/say/choose?
What would I create?
I would build a rainbow bridge which would hold magical wishes. Anyone stepping onto this bridge will have their dreams, desires manifested. Peace and understanding.
Talents realized.
Studios. Large and spacious and organized. Filled with a variety of materials...to create paintings and collages, shrines and assemblages, dolls and sculptures.....
What can I be realistic about?
I can do all these things, create what I want without the large spacious studio.
All this dreaming brought me to the present moment...
What can I do right now?
What can I make with what I have right now?
What am I afraid of? What stops me?
What would I do if I were brave??????????????

Duality of Nature

My two favorite seasons in one. For two days we had mild weather here in NY. It was great. This picture is on the side of my mom's house. You can see that the leaves have pretty much had it - only those few lingering ones left. Another lilac bush -somewhat confused by this weather- is beginning to bloom. It's as if the cycle of life has run into each other which made me ponder this, not unlike the rust project did.
We become so comfortable with routine and process and take for granted the things that should happen in sequence. But sometimes life throws us some unexpected twist and we can look upon it in awe or get freaked out by it.
I love the beauty of both spring and fall. I am not thrilled with winter nor summer. I like comfort. I like moderation - except in art.
There, I like it when art makes one uncomfortable and goes to extreme. I like deep messages that makes one think. I like looking at duality of nature, of life, of us.
I like it when the unusual occurs and gets me thinking of "all that is", the bigger picture of life and gets me out of thinking small.

A confused Lilac!

It's Nov. 1st and warm. It was warm enough to fool these lilacs into thinking it's May!
I took the camera out today and went to the beach. Some people were actually soaking up some sun with only a pair of shorts on. It was a really beautiful day and I tried to savor as much of it as I could, because I know it just won't last :-(
The tide was very low and I went to the rocks. I have never been to the rocks. I kept hearing that loudspeaker voice in my head, "Please keep off the rocks".
I love being at the beach off season. It has a whole different quality to it. A place you would think of a social becomes a place of introversion, a place to go within oneself and ponder.

Rebirth

After rusting this box and another one that I'm working on, I thought about rust. It's very cool watching the rusty effect appear but it brought me to thinking about the duality of things and what would be the opposite of rust. Externally, we see things decay all the time. Everything changes. There is always this process of change, decomposing, death.
And then there is always rebirth.
Life begins again.
I found this incense burner that reminded me of a chalise. I was brought up a catholic, so the symbols are strong. Christ symbolizing the idea of rebirth, resurrection, renewal.
I used the cork from a wine bottle and a sliver of wood(host) that is holding the egg. Body and blood.
Hard to see, but the head is made of glass that has flowers and the word spring embossed into it.
The opposite of rust on the outside, is gold on the inside. The idea that we need to go within to see what makes us shine, to see our inner beauty and not always judge outside appearances and know that the real treasure is our spiritual awareness and not the transitory material world that does eventually decay. I personally tend to find my answers in nature rather than some structure (church) or dogma. I feel nature holds a lot of answers to our questions if we would be still enough to listen. It was a good feeling giving myself this time to create.
I may have to take her outside on a sunny day for a better picture...

Yesterdays creative time

Yes,I spent some time yesterday creating. Of course, I spent some of the time thinking "I should be ...." but I didn't! It was cold out too. I just needed to spend some time with myself and creating.
Made a birthday card for Adriane.
I also worked on a collage for Brigitte. She gave me this collage that one of her online groups did and asked if I would work on it. so I did. Gave the frog a lily pad to sit on in a pond and a doghouse for fido. Not finised yet. In between projects, I rusted a small box. I'll most like make an assemblage out of it. I bought Sophisticated Finishes. I had forgotten about this stuff. We used in ceramic class. Karen painted a Buddha using the patina finish and came out great. Mai-Liis had it on her blog and then saw it on http://fiberreflections.blogspot.com/ where she rusted some cotton fabric but not with these finishes.
Aside from that I taught 2 yoga classes. I am now up to teaching 3 classes a week. And yes, I think that counts in the creativity department.
Happy Birthday Adriane!!

Now for Me....

Oops! Posted to the wrong blog. oh well.
See what I've been doing at http://doegrozsart.blogspot.com
Hopefully I'll get to some of my own art today.

For now...

No pictures, but it was a pretty creative day. Worked on some art dolls in class. We went to Pat's house to make some cards for soldiers. I'm not really a card person and when I do them, it takes me at least an hour to do just one card. ( we were supposed to do 10, I did 9. Not thrilled with them either) I did get excited about the bottles that Adriane brought for us. We are to do them for our secret santa friend. Nice bottles too.
Gathering merchant's permission to paint their windows for Halloween is sucking up my time, so the desk is on the back burner for now.

Happy Birthday Pat

Yesterday I painted some more of the desk. I slept over my mom's and because the room was filled with so much early morning light, it was an opportune time to paint. It's coming along.. but I thought I'd have more done by now. Oh well. Made Pat's birthday card last night. Also worked on a 6x6 pen drawing. Now I need to run over to Pat's house and put it in her mailbox.

signed: The Procrastinator

Hot Flash!

I've been playing around with this doll. She's called "hot flash" for all the menopausal women out there. A woman's autumn years. I like autumn. It's my favorite time. Don't care much for the hot flashes though...
My friend Mai-Liis , http://mailiis.blogspot.com/ held an online class through joggles and that is where the idea came from - her wrapped spirit dolls. I made one and I have been wanting to make more of them. Friday I took most of the day for myself and made one. She started out with white hair - I'm not ready for that and she seemed to be calling out for her flaming hair. Fun to make!

Head in the Clouds

All weekend we talked about having our head in the clouds...literally.
Today in my mail box was Head in the Clouds, a "cloud meditation" from Daily Om.
Nice weekend.
I did have an insightful moment too.
Monday morning I woke up realizing how lucky I am and had a deep sense of gratefulness. Gratefulness is a path I fell off of this past summer. Yikes! I had forgotten. This was the "theme" to my daily devotions and I had forgotten. How did this happen??
I had become a bit (a bit?!) self-absorbed with the way things had turned out - not the way I had planned...(we all know how that goes). Well, our weekend had some glitches with it also. We (John) broke the sink in the bathroom... don't ask...and all I could think of was "they will never let us come back" and what will this cost me...
What it cost was an awakening. The owners are really nice (and handy) and were not in the least upset by it. Either that, they completely fooled us. They fixed the sink and said it was no big deal. This cabin is 120 miles north of us and feels like we are in a foreign country. The people are friendly and there is so much beauty around. Even clouds take on a certain splendor.
So I think my head finally came out of the clouds... the fog lifting... and I began to appreciate all that great stuff again. All the blessings that are around me, all the beauty that is out there. I realized it was this that I had forgotten. I got side tracked. Took the wrong path. I need to take out my pens and twinkling H2O's and play again. Maybe I'll play with some clouds :-)

Fresh from the Esopus River....This is one of the fish that our neighbor caught in Phoenica,NY  

Dreams of flying....another one of the fish tags 

altered fig

Delicious figs this year and a lot of them.

I decided to play around taking a break from painting....

Painted furniture

I've been painting the hutch in the kitchen. This has been unfinished since I bought it many moons ago. This place is filled with raw wood and now it's all ready to be transformed!
I paint a little here and there. I like functional art.
I painted six drawers and changed the knobs on three of them (top, not shown). I took out the wood burner and wrote on the drawers. They are painted with Lumiere. I started to use it on the doors on the bottom, but didn't like the way it was turning out.
I'm not sure how wild I am going to get with this yet... but it is far from done.

A fortunate fish.. bringing you luck... who will get this one? 

The collector - gathering it all in hopes of transformation 

Party girl searches for the sweet life 

Hope - the recycle fish 

She traveled the deep ocean to find her true passion 

The magician. He dreamt of flying and could because he knew magic 

In her autumn years, she chose to change direction