Thursday, November 09, 2006

Moving On

Ironically this card came at a time when I was, and I say WAS, stuck! I hate it when this happens and I feel miserable when it does. Sometimes I feel like I should just go with the flow of it, but become fearful, "What if I never get it done?!?" "It" can be any number of things, but mostly it is a project that needs to get done for someone. I hide behind, "I don't feel like it" and hope I will feel differently tomorrow, but what happens is guilt sets in. I feel worse and tomorrow is no different.
It feels like I can't move. Some big heavy dark thing is blocking my way. (Mostly my thoughts)
This is when I force myself to do something mindless. Yesterday I cleaned out my underware drawer. Then I glued on some branches to the side of a shrine I'm making. I wrote a lot. Late in the day did some yoga which made me feel much better.
Today I wrote with my left hand. I've read about it many times and a member of the journaling group brought it up again. I immediately thought I was connecting to my inner child. Mostly I guess because it looked like a 5 year old's handwritting.
Why was I procrastinating?
Because I did not have a clear vision of what I wanted to do.
I can't move forward until I know. And this is absurd because experience has taught me that I actually never know until I move forward and do the work. I have "thought" i knew what I wanted only to be turned around in another direction. Art surprises me.
Then FEAR comes along... STUCK! Am I done? I cannot move any further for fear of messing it up. This fear is the culprit and hides within procrastination.
So my inner child says to play and listen deeply to my heart rather than my head. Pick up a crayon and play.
If you listen deep enough, you'll see the difference between fear and knowing. Where does it sit in your body? If it's in your heart and feels good - it's done. Try moving from you head to your heart. Experiment to see how it feels in the body.
Listen to the inner child - the playful part - it's that part that brings the most joy and pleasure. You feel best when you are in that space.
Pick up a crayon if you must.
do the unexpected.

1 comment:

artsyfran said...

I love the symbolism in this journal page! I'm so glad you tried the left-handed and crayon writing! :)