Journal pages vs. the canvas

I've been journaling with pigma pens and twinkling H2O's and a gel pen here and there. I'm looking at this as warm-ups for getting back to the canvas. The canvas for some reason is harder for me... takes up more room, paints and canvas are a lot more expensive and therefore, unless I have something in mind, I don't like the idea of wasting paint.
This is something I would like to over come.
I recently saw a painting that had a background of color, the artist pretty much just smearing color on the background and then pulling out what they saw. It reminded me of a conversation I had with Jake about being spontaneous in painting. Just throwing paint on the canvas and see where it goes..........
I'll get there, but first I have to clean my room up... and then make some space to paint... and maybe....
yeah. not very spontaneous at all.
Not sure where that comes from, this being safe. It's only paint and can be painted over I know. BUT, It becomes another painting that sits around as well. This place is small. I have canvases stored all over the place... under beds and in closets... some hang... others collect dust.
So I paint small or on a wall, which is already there and not taking up any space.
God, there is this part of me that wants to explode on a canvas... and then there is the critic, the one who just voiced all the reasons not to.