Weekend images..

We've been having a discussion, my husband and I, about our art speaking to us. One thing about these zentangle type of doodled art is that it is so undeliberate.. no planning, no thinking.. just creating some line and filling them with patterns.. playing around.
It is when I am finished and turn it around that I "see" something. This guy seemed so sad to me and I guess there have been more than the normal amount of sadness lately. With my husband's health issues, it has opened my heart, being more compassionate with other people's challenges as well. It seemed that there was some sort of health issue with so many people and felt as though it was being added to my own sadness. How much can one carry?
We shouldn't have to carry it alone, but rather share with others what we are going through. Does it lighten our load or are we just sending more pain out into the world? I used to feel that I shouldn't share my worries and pains because I didn't want to impose them on anyone else. Now I am not so sure. When I read about other blogger friends, people I don't even know personally, and learn of their illness or that of their child, I offer up a prayer and if I can do that, then maybe it will lighten their load so they won't have to carry so much. I hope we all only carry what we can and no more..

A change. Star flower - moving away from the cross....

Since my husbands stay in the hospital, I have gone back to mandala making as healing.. as prayer.. as meditation. The cross plays the predominant image in most of them.

Crosses, I see, as direction.

I see it as reaching out, choosing ... opposing directions.

Outwards and inwards.. upwards towards the heavens and here on earth..

Centered is the heart.. it brings me to the present moment.

In this moment, there is no worry, because there is no future.

There are no regrets, because there is no past.

There is only the now.

Present moment.

A place where my heart lies, where I find love.. and that is the place of healing.

a weekend of mandalas

"grow"

"heat"

"elements of hope"

"the door to within"

The violin

I am not sure if this is done. Part of me wants something on the black and the other part says, don't over do it... that's the part my husband agrees with.

I am from the school of "more" and maybe it's just because I want to keep creating, but more so is how much I can push the envelope...how do I know if I don't try.. the idea of reaching to more possibility.

And then again.... there is that part that says, "enough" and the insecurity of screwing it up.

so, I'll sit with it for a while and wait.... any feedback is welcome :-)

and it really needs to go out.

Waiting....

waiting...
communing...

extending...

within me.

I have been taking my bag carrying my small mandala journal and pen with me where ever I go. I have used my waiting time, for what ever reason, to sneak in some mandala making.

It is a series of "waiting room" mandalas.

I take my pen and create... later on I fill it in with color unless it is a looooong wait, then I take a small pack of markers with me as well.

It is the only thing that I can do peacefully while I wait.

Love is the best medicine.

Some of you already know and some of you don't, but my husband went into the hospital with very high ammonia levels. Serious shit and it really scared me. For a few days I sat by his bed drawing mandalas, praying and talking to him.

I believe that whether he heard me or not, he would receive the energy I was sending.. I repeatedly told him I loved him... and focused on centering my self with positive energy by working on several mandalas. This is one of them. I appreciate all the care that was poured upon my husband in ICU at Westchester Medical and I added to that my special medicine.. Love.

He is doing much better. Taken out of ICU and eating and back to his humorous self, he is moving along, but he needs a liver.. a beautiful healthy liver for him is prayed for and would love for you to join me in that prayer.

Hey, don't take anything for granted... appreciate ALL of it. We have this amazing body - take care of it. We live in the incredibly beautiful world - take care of it.

Thank you.

Replenishing my soul

It has been a pretty wild year and the last two weeks were the most intense. I came home from yoga one evening to find my husband at the door with his bags packed... not what you might be thinking....
He said the doctor called and told him to get to the hospital...NOW.
His sodium levels were too low and I had yet another learning experienc... oh, these learning experiences... the dangers of this being he could stroke or pass out.. and it also explained his being kind of "loopy". I thought it was the medication he was coming off.
I have a lot of mixed feelings about medication. I do not take asprin and will take a drug only if I desperately need it... like when I had poison ivy all over my face!
They wreak havoc on the body... we all need to eat better. Fresh, wholesome eating. Green, leafy things :-)
While my hubby was in the hospital, his mom passed away. Dear sweet Alice. She died peacefully at home. She wanted to leave. She was 94, deeply loved by family and friends, but the death of her daughter broke her heart.. that's my feeling about it, and she lived almost a year afterwards. Alice died on her daughter's birthday.
So, today as I took a walk with my camera, photographing flowers, I came upon this tulip. How cool, I thought, it looks like an angel inside.
I continued my journey, taking more photos, on to my mother's house. One needs to appreciate their mother while they are here... spend time with her.
I went and spent some time outside with her drinking in the beauty of eveything in blossom. Just as we were about to go in, she said,"look at the lilacs"... and a butterfly brought us pleasure watching it fliting about, drinking in nectar... a message of transformation.
Everything changes.. nothing really disappears, it just changes form.
Thank you Alice for all the wonderful moments :-)

Resurrection

Being that it is that time again.. Spring... A time of renewal... I felt a bit of a resurrection in myself as well....coming back to the mandala book and even creating a more balanced mandala, rather than a free form one.

There has been so much going on. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels, flying off in various directions.. and this is part of life. Dealing with it all. It comes and it goes. Life speeds up, life slows down.

What really matters is our response to it. Are we responsible in the way we handle situations or do we run from them. There have been times in my past that I would have rather put my head in the sand, and did so, but age, wisdom, experience and maybe a development of more faith and trust in the Universe help me to look at it all square in the face and know that it will pass. The question is "how gracefully?"

Maybe it is lack of resistance, for we know what we resist will persist. Maybe I'm too tired to fight it.. it takes more energy to move against the current. Better to flow with it and see where it will lead.

So, here is one coping mechanism.. art, mandalas used for centering and quieting the mind.
It is a gathering place for me. It is an internal space where I can go to. Where I can find some quiet solace and just be. No more doing... just being.

The ressurrection of the internal Self coming up to the surface to breathe.

A long deep and full breath... rather than a sigh.

Kitchen set... Done!

What I thought was to be a "summer job" turned out to be a year long project... chair by chair and finally the table. Fruits - vegetables and Fun.

I'm usually tempted to over do these things and I did hold back. What would I have done if it was mine......

studio tree

I did a few mandalas - quick ones just to get all this "stuff" bottled up within me out. The most interesting thing I find about doing this art is how the subconscious mind/feelings come up and out on paper. It's similar to "morning pages".. those familar with The Artist's Way know what I mean... it's an emptying out.. brainstorming.. no editing.. no thinking. Just releasing.
It is afterwards, when I look at these mandalas that I notice things.
I have started the process of looking for a new place to live. I have lived in the same place for 33 years and it's time to move on.
I went to look at one apartment and I noticed that the rooms faced north west, the opposite of where I live now. I have one window facing West for the sunset, but my bedroom and art room face the east- south east. Kitchen is north and on the dark side.
There were pros and cons about the place, but what my mind kept returning to was the direction. No morning sun to wake me up.
After doing the mandala, I notice the window and frame around it. Like a compass, it is facing northwest... not to mention the colors.
Northern light is supposed to be good for doing art.
The cons outweighed the pros on this place and I'm still looking.....
I need studio space for my art... period.

windows of the soul

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul.

My eyes change.

They will appear greener if I wear green, sometimes more gray.. grayish blue.

They change... I change.

I constantly find myself looking for direction.. sometimes I seek direction by going within through meditation and sometimes out side my self through reflections in the world.

Synchronicity, Astrology, and feedback from other people.

Looking.. seeking.. Seeing

Sometimes we just cannot see things clearly within ourselves, because of messages we have heard. Those messages have been "contaminated" by inadequate hearing.

For instance, I thought I had a terrible voice. I attribute it to my inability to sing solo in music class in childhood. It wasn't until I taught yoga that people told me how soothing my voice was.

Sheesh. All those times I hesitated to sing, speak up..

Sometimes we think we cannot do something - lack the confidence or courage,

but we CAN!

Sometimes we think we are going in the right direction, but something else comes along and we discover something new and wonderful about ourselves.

We learn a new skill.

We learn a new technique, choose a new art medium and CHANGE!

we are on a new path....

We discover new ways of doing things because we took the risk of going down a new road.

We learn there is more than one way to get where we are going.

We learn it's ok to change direction.

If you looked into my eyes would you see what I see?

Would I see myself in you.

You in me.

Would I see the similarities or the differences?

Do we see our souls deep within and see we are the spark of the Divine....

each making up the Eternal Light.

My path may not be as direct as yours.. it may have less adventure, less heart ache,

more groundedness,

less exciting.

There are times when my path seemed long and challenging,

but I took in the sights, found the beauty where I thought there was none,

and came to a new understanding.

It is through my eyes seeking direction that I've come upon so much love.

That is what matters.

What I do see with my eyes is that it's all good.

I don't have to take the same path as you in order to feel good about myself.

Today I saw many smiling faces, and I took that as affirmation that this path I am on right now is the right path for me. When the path holds joyfulness and warmth, I will continue on it.

In the end, all these paths lead home... so enjoy the one your are on.

Needing color

I have a bunch of mandalas and doodles to upload, but for now here's one I did close to Valentine's day... maybe it was around the last snow storm.
Needing some color on these days... so much snow, gray, white. Luckier than a lot of people here on the east coast, thoguh. Some lost power and have more snow than we do.... but it keeps coming. So many businesses just closed down.. banks, doctors... so much for those SUV's which everyone bought for the snow.
The upside is that I stayed in and did some art.
I do have to go out and will take the camera.
Do I sound cranky.. because I am. This winter seems to be full of resistence for me. Everything takes so much effort. Dressing. Driving. Digging.
I am sure I will appreciate Spring oh so much this year.. Dear Spring, I need your color!

Reawakening

This has been a strange winter for me.. feeling reclusive and limiting my time "out there".. going out when I need to. I guess it goes with the season to some degree.. following nature's cycle of hibernation.
This seems deeper though. Looking for answers within myself, but finding the distractions of life more annoying.... until I see them as messages.
I sit in my chair, reading, meditating, journal my thoughts. I am surrounded by many inspiring objects - things that make me aware of my spirituality, remind me of a higher purpose.
But the questions come back to that.. what IS my higher purpose???
Answers come in strange ways.
I get glimmers of them in unconventional ways... after reading a book which had to do with divine guidance, a card fell from my deck of flowers (angel cards)... just fell over. Not the first card, but somewhere within the deck, and it's message was: Divine Guidance. It made me stop.
I envisioned a hawk and turned to the window. No, hawk wasn't there, but I felt his "presence" and just at that moment my plant moved. It's long stem fell into a new place.
I come to the computer and read something that is pertinent to what I am feeling. It's astrological message is clearing something up for me.. another answer.
It all brings me to accept that if I listen, take notice of my surroundings, I am being constantly being guided.
Even if it is my internal higher self guiding me, it is still guidance.. intuition perhaps.
There is a strong pull to stop and remove myself from the distractions of the world, so I can listen, so I can get closer to the answers of my "being" here. I remind myself that sometimes that is where the answers lie... out there in the world.
Winter brings me in so I can find myself.. so I can then go out into the world reawakened to the best I can be.. to serve and do that which I am being called to do.
I reawaken to the dream I had, renewing my intention to bring it to fruition.
I am tenderly watering that seed, nourishing it with my love.
Waiting patiently for spring, I tend to the internal garden, and hope the blossoms will be a source of inspiration.

Expressions of Love

all paths lead to love

I reach out to you

you come home to me

my heart is here for you

open

and ready to travel far and wide

to be with you

always

Y

Crossing the Chasm

"When we feel stuck, going nowhere -- even starting to slip backward -- we may actually be backing up to get a running start."-- Dan Millman
How funny I should read this today as I had just had this thought recently and think I even made a comment to someone about it....
Sometimes we need the faith to fly.. but at other times, what appears to be a step backwards.. is us taking that running start for the big jump.
You have to eliminate fear if you are going to do that.. no stopping mid-way, or changing your mind.. you just have to do it. YOU HAVE TO -because you know deep inside it is time.
I doodled this the other day making fun of myself. I have a T-shirt that says Stretch Your Boundaries. I usually wear it in yoga class and at other times I need reminding.
My boundaries were stretched when I asked for what I needed, something I find hard to do for some reason. But it was time. The results were better than I expected too :-)
Where can you stretch your boundaries today?
Today mine are going to an Apple class to learn how to use this new computer. I'm expecting this new computer to open up some new possibilities with my art.
The sun is shining.. the snow stayed south of us..
Life is good!

River runs through

What if everything you did, you did it through love? Instead of choosing chaos, we chose tranquility.. There is so much out "there" that can create fear, worry, indecisiveness, confusion... but what if we chose to change our perspective and looked to see what was hidden beneath all of it.. what if we could bring awareness to the possibility that within all that chaos, was some blessing.. ..ready for us to bring it to the surface.

What if this river of love came from our hearts out through our finger tips, so that everything we touched, we did through love. How open can we be when we are bombarded with uncertainty and fearful energy pouring out from our TV sets? We always have a choice.. always.

It is a message that repeatedly comes up, not just for me but for all of us. We choose every minute of everyday... do we respond with anger or love, fear or love, suspicion or love, doubt or with a certainty that it will all work out... no matter how long it takes!

We need to hang tough, have faith and trust the Universe.

May your day be filled with immeasurable quantities of love that takes you on a journey that opens your heart fuller and deeper and all of that pours out into the Universe so we can all share in this glorious journey together... imagine everyone taking part in this giving and receiving of love... open hearted and fearless love.

Now wouldn't THAT be amazing :-)

Namaste'

twisted rainbow

The Christmas Gathering
Twisted rainbow, cropped

Twisted Rainbow on canvas inspired by Cheryl's conversation on Mandala Oasis on color - rainbows in particular from Suzanne Fincher's book.

In particular, I was inspired by the idea of creating a rainbow mandala, using all the colors to activate all the chakras in the body and the idea of the feeling of being reborn.

I've been doing some black and white mandalas and some that have been limited in color.

The book I've been working on is thick and my new scanner makes it difficult to scan them.. and I have been a bit lax on scanning them... I photographed these two.

My intention is to do some more painting. It definitely brings me into a different state than the coloring. The painting keeps transforming. Layering, adding on. The background of the painting changed from black to flames to flowers to an edge of black and white design to this...

and it's transformation that I seek.

For YOU...

I would like to wish you all a most merry christmas and whatever else you celebrate... I wish you all warmth, friendship and good cheer!

May your days be filled with laughter and embracing hugs.

I wish you moments of presence.

I wish you peace.

I wish you love.

I wish you joy.

I wish you spend this time in wonderment, appreciating each blessed moment we journey on this earth. I wish you more blessings than you can ever count.

I wish you creative inspiration that fills you with those blessed "ah-ha" moments and they continue to grow...........

Thank you for sharing this journey with me.

Thank you for sharing your creative energy, your wisdom, experiences and your comments.

Happy Solstice!

May all our lives be brighter, lighter,

healthier and happier.

Time without "you"

Just before my computer caught a nasty virus, I watched a Teesha Moore video on creating your own journal from one piece of paper. I love the format of the book and that's what I did during the free time NOT on the computer.

I LOVED it!

I had so much fun cutting and gluing and created a whole journal. I ended up putting it into the show case at the town house with my assemblages because the theme was "recycling into art".

I laid out some junk mail catalogs.. then the journal.. then some cards which were pages scanned from the journal.

I loved it so much, I brought the idea to class and my older kids are now collaging in their own hand-made journals. Thanks Teesha :-)

Now, I have decided to limit my time on the computer. I realized how much of a distraction it can be and how habitual.

With coffee in hand, every morning I checked my email... instead I journaled and sometimes even cleaned :-)

Thank you!

A MOST WONDERFUL THANKSGIVING TO YOU ALL !
I am most thankful for all the blessing I have received.
Lots of art experiences with my husband and students and friends..
It has been a very good year :-)

Computer is going to the doctor... no blogging for awhile