Monday, November 27, 2006

The wishing well

Wishing upon a star is the current journal prompt. I had this image of eating stars, ingesting all these wishes. Turn it on it's side and it is speaking these wishes. May only good wishes come from my mouth.. positve words, well wishes. I wish you well... I am a wishing well.
I finally opened up the new twinkling H2O's and played around with leaves.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Why allow it?

We watched The Secret this weekend. It was just the motivation I needed to get back on track. I know this stuff, so WHY do I forget?????
My challenge is to stay focused on what I DO want. To stay in the present moment and get projects done and out of the way. I made a pocket for my goals, so as they are completed, I can change them and add new goals.
My goal today is to get the cow and chicken fixed and out of here! It will free up some space for me...
The "it" is outer circumstances that I have no control over, clutter, procratination, moodiness. Bet you can't get that "it" on ebay.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

More Whys...

Why haven't I done this sooner?
I worked on the back room. I finally feel a shift. Ready to move forward.. where.. I am not sure.
The journaling has helped.
I need to cut some more paper for my 6x6's. Now that I have "unearthed" part of the table in artroom, I can continue with projects that I've started and left incomplete. I'm creating sections in the room, keeping the drafting table for small projects: journaling and daily devotion 6x6's. I miss them. I even bought some new H2O colors and haven't even taken them from their package. The large table which was Jake's platform bed is now a work table for my larger projects: Shrines, Assemblages and even paintings. I could even sit up on it and paint.
I'm still going through papers. I thought having a computer would cut down on paperwork. NOPE! I feel a need to print out ideas/projects/quotes/my astrological forcasts/and pictures. I hold on to magazines, even shitty ones because I might need a picture from it.
Well, now is the time for change. Touch it once. Do you love it? if not throw it out. If I haven't used it in the last 10 years, why do I think I will now? Why do I hold on to things waiting for the perfect use for it? When that happens, more often than not, the paint gets dried up, the marker gets dried up, the paper gets ruined, or stuff gets broken, discolored or just loses it's specialness. Sometimes I just forget I had it because it has been buried so deep, into the deep recesses of a corner, or under the table/bed, so inaccessible that it would have been easier to just go buy another one. Pathetic.
Now I move forward to using what I have. If I use the stuff I have and live to be 100, I probably still wouldn't use it all.
Challenge: Use it all up.
Why wait? Start now.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

2 sides of WHY

What I discovered for myself is that WHY has 2 sides.
Upon writing "why bother"I immediately cringed. How
negative. It seemed to be full of despair. Not a good why.
Why not? on the other hand is full of possibilities. It has potential. Why not do all those things I have dreamed of? Why not follow that wild and crazy spirit within? Why tends to go deep. It makes us look at the real issues: Why am I here? It gets to the heart of things. Even the little stuff: Why do I repeatedly make the same safe choices? Maybe that's not so little. Why can I not control my clutter????? Why do I have so many projects unfinished?
Why am I holding on to these "things"? Why am I having such a hard time letting go?
The positive "why nots" feel more inspiring. Why not take a chance? Why not speak up and say what I really feel? Why not ask for help? more? to be listened to? Why not be so wild and daring and not care what others think? Why not Love more, share more,? Why not be open and willing to experience all that the universe has to offer??????
Why not dance?

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Moving on the path...

While thinking of this Move On prompt, I kept thinking of Where. How.
In order to move forward, I need a clear path.
An Idea of where the heck I'm going!!
sometimes, that is not very clear.
My journal page is a road map of sorts. What is needed on the journey, how to get past those obstacles (clutter!) and to be focused on where I am going. I get distracted quite easily. I can also tend to get down on myself if I compare myself to others. There will always be someone better, someone lesser in terms of talent and yet I don't like to compare using those terms. There is just different and sometimes I wish I were different. Acceptence is a place I'd like to be. I'd like to move towards that place... Listen to my own inner voice. Be true to my own talents.
I easily lose my way, not knowing for sure where it is I want to go. I have a large ambitious goal. It is to run a Healing Arts Center. A place for me to teach art, teach yoga and meditation. A place to create and sell my own art as well as others creations. I visualize this wonderful peaceful place for others to come and create and heal and share.
Sometimes it seems so out of reach but when I stop to see where I actually am - it's halfway there. I teach art and yoga. I do my own art. I just would like to add the physical place that I can call my own. Sometimes I think if I put it out there the Universe will find a way for it to happen.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Moving On

Ironically this card came at a time when I was, and I say WAS, stuck! I hate it when this happens and I feel miserable when it does. Sometimes I feel like I should just go with the flow of it, but become fearful, "What if I never get it done?!?" "It" can be any number of things, but mostly it is a project that needs to get done for someone. I hide behind, "I don't feel like it" and hope I will feel differently tomorrow, but what happens is guilt sets in. I feel worse and tomorrow is no different.
It feels like I can't move. Some big heavy dark thing is blocking my way. (Mostly my thoughts)
This is when I force myself to do something mindless. Yesterday I cleaned out my underware drawer. Then I glued on some branches to the side of a shrine I'm making. I wrote a lot. Late in the day did some yoga which made me feel much better.
Today I wrote with my left hand. I've read about it many times and a member of the journaling group brought it up again. I immediately thought I was connecting to my inner child. Mostly I guess because it looked like a 5 year old's handwritting.
Why was I procrastinating?
Because I did not have a clear vision of what I wanted to do.
I can't move forward until I know. And this is absurd because experience has taught me that I actually never know until I move forward and do the work. I have "thought" i knew what I wanted only to be turned around in another direction. Art surprises me.
Then FEAR comes along... STUCK! Am I done? I cannot move any further for fear of messing it up. This fear is the culprit and hides within procrastination.
So my inner child says to play and listen deeply to my heart rather than my head. Pick up a crayon and play.
If you listen deep enough, you'll see the difference between fear and knowing. Where does it sit in your body? If it's in your heart and feels good - it's done. Try moving from you head to your heart. Experiment to see how it feels in the body.
Listen to the inner child - the playful part - it's that part that brings the most joy and pleasure. You feel best when you are in that space.
Pick up a crayon if you must.
do the unexpected.

Monday, November 06, 2006

What will you teach?

This morning I had this strong feeling within me of being "a teacher". I bought a beautiful gemstone pendant on vacation this summer. It is a quartz with silver inside, azurite with apatite beads. When I purchased the pendant, the owner asked me what about it was I drawn to. I told him it was the first to catch my eye and I kept going back to it. I even left the store but felt this urge to go back to get it.
He said he felt the strong connection to teaching. Apatite is attuned to creativity and communication also. So many other times, while choosing "cards" on a whim, teaching will come up.
I teach art to children and yoga to adults.
Every monday, my first thoughts are about what I will be teaching this day. What can I bring to the mat? What can I bring to art class?
What can I teach without imposing my ideas. It's an interesting line that I watch. I want to inspire without imposing, especially in art. What I want most is to be passionate while I teach, put my all into it, be there with all of me, my mind, body and soul.
Hands are a stong symbol for me. They represent creativity ~ reaching out through the use of the hands to share our knowledge and our passions.
Can we teach passion? Can we teach love? Can we teach inspiration?
We only teach by way of model. If I am passionate today, I will teach what my passion looks like and maybe through that example, others can find their passion.
Today I will teach by example.

Sunday, November 05, 2006


A new yahoo group I joined ~ Adventures in Journaling~ takes a card from the book and deck, Inner Outings by Charlene Geiss and Claudia Jessup.
What? is the first card chosen as our prompt.
I begin with "What" a lot. Never realized how much.
What in the world?????.....
What should I do?
What can I make?
What is the purpose....
What if....
I was once asked, What would you do if you came back to do it all over again... What would you be?
What would I do if I could do ANYTHING in the world - anything at all- no restrictions hold you back...
What would I do?
What do I really want?
What would I make/build/wear/eat/say/choose?
What would I create?
I would build a rainbow bridge which would hold magical wishes. Anyone stepping onto this bridge will have their dreams, desires manifested. Peace and understanding.
Talents realized.
Studios. Large and spacious and organized. Filled with a variety of create paintings and collages, shrines and assemblages, dolls and sculptures.....
What can I be realistic about?
I can do all these things, create what I want without the large spacious studio.
All this dreaming brought me to the present moment...
What can I do right now?
What can I make with what I have right now?
What am I afraid of? What stops me?
What would I do if I were brave??????????????

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Duality of Nature

My two favorite seasons in one. For two days we had mild weather here in NY. It was great. This picture is on the side of my mom's house. You can see that the leaves have pretty much had it - only those few lingering ones left. Another lilac bush -somewhat confused by this weather- is beginning to bloom. It's as if the cycle of life has run into each other which made me ponder this, not unlike the rust project did.
We become so comfortable with routine and process and take for granted the things that should happen in sequence. But sometimes life throws us some unexpected twist and we can look upon it in awe or get freaked out by it.
I love the beauty of both spring and fall. I am not thrilled with winter nor summer. I like comfort. I like moderation - except in art.
There, I like it when art makes one uncomfortable and goes to extreme. I like deep messages that makes one think. I like looking at duality of nature, of life, of us.
I like it when the unusual occurs and gets me thinking of "all that is", the bigger picture of life and gets me out of thinking small.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

A confused Lilac!

It's Nov. 1st and warm. It was warm enough to fool these lilacs into thinking it's May!
I took the camera out today and went to the beach. Some people were actually soaking up some sun with only a pair of shorts on. It was a really beautiful day and I tried to savor as much of it as I could, because I know it just won't last :-(
The tide was very low and I went to the rocks. I have never been to the rocks. I kept hearing that loudspeaker voice in my head, "Please keep off the rocks".
I love being at the beach off season. It has a whole different quality to it. A place you would think of a social becomes a place of introversion, a place to go within oneself and ponder.