The Light within

Back to paints in a new watercolor journal. These are twinkling H2O's that sparkle. Two new journals that I absolutely love, both with watercolor paper... and I think they are calling me right now..

Peace within = Peace

Here's the thing.. I'm not going to find any peace "out there" if I don't feel peaceful within myself.
It's a goal. Finding that center while I'm creating, doing my yoga is fine, but how to maintain it in the world.. sheesh, can't stay in all day!
Here's my intention.
Look a person in the eye and send some love as much as I possibly can... only downside on this one is when I'm in the car driving and I become extremely judgemental about some *#@! driving without consideration for anyone else.
I can start small. Today.
I'll let you know how it goes.......
breath in peace........
Namaste'

sowing seeds

I did this a while ago, but it fits for the new moon, a time to sow some seeds, new intentions. My focus for this new moon is to work on some art for the show. Moon in my 4th house of home, where my studio is.. so when the full moon comes, in the 10th house of career, and "out there" in my world of art, I'll have manifested some art to exhibit.
That's one goal.
The other is to beautify this home.. keeping the clutter at bay. It's so much easier to do when there is more space, but I'm finding there is still so much more to rid myself of. Material stuff as well as emotional stuff.. and I realize it's a process and not beat myself up when it doesn't happen quickly enough.
At this new moon I planted seeds of healing as well, understanding, forgiveness, compassion, focus on family and go within - listening to what needs to be heard, because sometimes we only hear what we want to hear.. so, I try to limit those filters and truly hear my own voice as well as others.
I do this best when I am settled, calm and what brings me there????
Mandala!

Clean slate...

Lighten Up

I found it ironic that an astrological message.. heading.. said, " Clean Slate".

Yes.

I had to laugh at this, as I lost all my mandalas (and some photos) due to a "mishap" with the computer. I won't go into it, but I tried hard to see the lesson in it. Where, WHERE IS this lesson??!!?? Of course, I am leaving out a lot of adjectives here.

But they were gone. Most of them I have originals, but there are some that were created and passed on to others, so they are they are the ones that I really grieve, along with other stuff I've saved.. but it is a seaon of release and letting go and I'm trying hard to look at it that way.

Holding on.. Letting go.

Dark...Light

Where is the light in this I wondered. More space? Fresh start? Clean slate..

Begin again.

It's that lesson I take with me.. everywhere. Releasing more and more to make room for newness, making space for something different.

Grieve and move on.

Lighten up.

It makes me think of my priorities.. where is my focus? Do want to dwell on loss or focus on that which brings joy, that which feels good and all that blessings that surround me.

Look to those blessings, look towards the light...

Be filled with....
divine love

joyful creations

laughter

beauty

inspiration

time to listen

warm embraces

community

compassion

kindness

generosity

appreciation

peaceful moments

wonder

magic

bliss

what would you love to be filled with?

Two Mandalas in a day

" Joyful Day"

"Passion's Dance"

Fresh start..

Energy Lines

It's all energy... connecting

I see how we connect with the energy of love

and that is what feels best

Mandala Sunset

I bought a new book, new markers

and decided to use just one side, the pastels

I purposely limited myself

sometimes it feels good to not have so many choices

Moon Phases

I follow the phases of the moon

and listen to her

Lunar learnings

She repeats them

over and over

but they are not always the same lesson

Change

I plant seeds

seeds of transformation

and wait

I nurture them

and wait

All things change

move

we see death, endings, but it's really change

it is the wheel of life

always moving, always changing

sing with the change

dance with the wind

plant the seeds

pray

wait

watch them grow

and be grateful

We reap what we sow

Catching up with journals

This is in Serena's Art Saves journal

This is in Carmen's 10x10 journal

I did the collage below but HAD to add a mandala...

This one may be Susie's journal... at least I think it is..

I forgot to photograph/scan the art I did in Serena's other journal (10x10) so I'll add it later.

Our journals are almost done and ready to send back home. I'm looking forward to seeing the art up close and personal :-)

Becoming Aware

If we see everyone outside of our self as mirror, reflecting back to us how we see the world, our belief system, values, judgements, etc... then why is it so how to change (within us) that which we see as unacceptable behaviour... ??
BEcoming aware of this.. that what you do, what I see as "what you are doing, being".. is just me and how I am being and doing...
This is a belief that keeps coming up and it came up again by reading someones blog recently - but it is not new to me. In order to know oneself, there has to be some sort of "other" for us to get it.
I believe we are the reflective souls of the Divine Being. In order for God to know God, there has to be something to reflect back to God (hey, substitute any other Word here). So here we are.
If I learn about myself by being in relationship to "other", anything outside myself, then why am I setting this up to see stuff I don't really want to see... unless it's something I DO need to see, and experience, in order for my Soul to grow and develop into a better spiritual Being... mmm, so do I need to experience illness in order to appreciate health... and do I need to experience deep sadness in order to appreciate deep joy?
If I am surrounded by rudeness, I should take a look within myself.. eliminate any rudeness I may have.
If I see inconsideration, I need to be more considerate.
If I see grief and sorrow, I can be more compassionate.
Be more trusting, more humble, more tolerant, more accepting... If I see a wrong-doing - go out and do something kind.
Love more.
My lesson this month seemed to be more about Trust. Trusting that the Universe will provide, trust that I CAN let go... in letting go, in not resisting and judging.. a shift can occur to allow the Universe to provide. This is a lesson that keeps repeating itself.. this path of growth in learning to trust. I have become more aware.
I think this Awareness is key.
When I am aware and see I can change and grow.
I'll get back to the "reflection" part again with more thoughts on that matter :-) because it intrigues me.

Harvest gratitude

Canson came out with a new Mixed Media sketchbook with thicker paper and I love it. The Bic markers bleed through so the heavier paper is great.. also, I plan on doing some collage work in it. Good stuff :-)
This mandala spoke to me of being Thankful. The Harvest colors reminded me of the autumn and autumn reminds me of Thanksgiving. Being grateful has been a message for me this past week.. ok, weeks. More than a few times the message would come through astrologically or in one form or another - that the easiest way to change my "attitude" is through gratitude.
OK, I get it, but why do I forget it?? When I am in the thick of it, I find it difficult to stop and say to myself, "ok, let's find all the things I am grateful for"... no, I am too engrossed, too STUCK!
And then - as if by magic - it all shifts... no, not really, I have to do the work and it seems the "work" that works best for me is to create.
Simple.
Art moves me out of my small self to a more open Self. Mandalas and doodles or "Zendalas" do it best and this one spoke to me of remembering to be grateful.. be thankful for all the good stuff and there is sooo much of it!
When I move into that energy of gratefulness, I am more accepting of myself and everyone around me and the way things are.
Self-acceptance is a wonderful thing. Once I move into that space, everything else seems to fall into place.. it's all ok. It's all the way it is supposed to be. Let it be. See it. Feel it. Enjoy it. Even the challenges turn out to be heart-opening, mind-expanding experiences, so allow it and stop resisting. Because that is what it is - the resistance- that causes the pain, the fear, the worry.
So many times experience has taught me that I am being taken care of. The journey of life is just one gigantic and continuous journey of love and it is ALL going to be just fine. We are where we are supposed to be. I am already who I am supposed to be.. It's that moment thing.. the being.. the NOW.. and it's all just fine....
and life becomes once more filled with Thanks and Giving.
Sharing.
Trusting.
Full.
Blessed.
Loved.

Weekend images..

We've been having a discussion, my husband and I, about our art speaking to us. One thing about these zentangle type of doodled art is that it is so undeliberate.. no planning, no thinking.. just creating some line and filling them with patterns.. playing around.
It is when I am finished and turn it around that I "see" something. This guy seemed so sad to me and I guess there have been more than the normal amount of sadness lately. With my husband's health issues, it has opened my heart, being more compassionate with other people's challenges as well. It seemed that there was some sort of health issue with so many people and felt as though it was being added to my own sadness. How much can one carry?
We shouldn't have to carry it alone, but rather share with others what we are going through. Does it lighten our load or are we just sending more pain out into the world? I used to feel that I shouldn't share my worries and pains because I didn't want to impose them on anyone else. Now I am not so sure. When I read about other blogger friends, people I don't even know personally, and learn of their illness or that of their child, I offer up a prayer and if I can do that, then maybe it will lighten their load so they won't have to carry so much. I hope we all only carry what we can and no more..

A change. Star flower - moving away from the cross....

Since my husbands stay in the hospital, I have gone back to mandala making as healing.. as prayer.. as meditation. The cross plays the predominant image in most of them.

Crosses, I see, as direction.

I see it as reaching out, choosing ... opposing directions.

Outwards and inwards.. upwards towards the heavens and here on earth..

Centered is the heart.. it brings me to the present moment.

In this moment, there is no worry, because there is no future.

There are no regrets, because there is no past.

There is only the now.

Present moment.

A place where my heart lies, where I find love.. and that is the place of healing.

a weekend of mandalas

"grow"

"heat"

"elements of hope"

"the door to within"

The violin

I am not sure if this is done. Part of me wants something on the black and the other part says, don't over do it... that's the part my husband agrees with.

I am from the school of "more" and maybe it's just because I want to keep creating, but more so is how much I can push the envelope...how do I know if I don't try.. the idea of reaching to more possibility.

And then again.... there is that part that says, "enough" and the insecurity of screwing it up.

so, I'll sit with it for a while and wait.... any feedback is welcome :-)

and it really needs to go out.

Waiting....

waiting...
communing...

extending...

within me.

I have been taking my bag carrying my small mandala journal and pen with me where ever I go. I have used my waiting time, for what ever reason, to sneak in some mandala making.

It is a series of "waiting room" mandalas.

I take my pen and create... later on I fill it in with color unless it is a looooong wait, then I take a small pack of markers with me as well.

It is the only thing that I can do peacefully while I wait.

Love is the best medicine.

Some of you already know and some of you don't, but my husband went into the hospital with very high ammonia levels. Serious shit and it really scared me. For a few days I sat by his bed drawing mandalas, praying and talking to him.

I believe that whether he heard me or not, he would receive the energy I was sending.. I repeatedly told him I loved him... and focused on centering my self with positive energy by working on several mandalas. This is one of them. I appreciate all the care that was poured upon my husband in ICU at Westchester Medical and I added to that my special medicine.. Love.

He is doing much better. Taken out of ICU and eating and back to his humorous self, he is moving along, but he needs a liver.. a beautiful healthy liver for him is prayed for and would love for you to join me in that prayer.

Hey, don't take anything for granted... appreciate ALL of it. We have this amazing body - take care of it. We live in the incredibly beautiful world - take care of it.

Thank you.

Replenishing my soul

It has been a pretty wild year and the last two weeks were the most intense. I came home from yoga one evening to find my husband at the door with his bags packed... not what you might be thinking....
He said the doctor called and told him to get to the hospital...NOW.
His sodium levels were too low and I had yet another learning experienc... oh, these learning experiences... the dangers of this being he could stroke or pass out.. and it also explained his being kind of "loopy". I thought it was the medication he was coming off.
I have a lot of mixed feelings about medication. I do not take asprin and will take a drug only if I desperately need it... like when I had poison ivy all over my face!
They wreak havoc on the body... we all need to eat better. Fresh, wholesome eating. Green, leafy things :-)
While my hubby was in the hospital, his mom passed away. Dear sweet Alice. She died peacefully at home. She wanted to leave. She was 94, deeply loved by family and friends, but the death of her daughter broke her heart.. that's my feeling about it, and she lived almost a year afterwards. Alice died on her daughter's birthday.
So, today as I took a walk with my camera, photographing flowers, I came upon this tulip. How cool, I thought, it looks like an angel inside.
I continued my journey, taking more photos, on to my mother's house. One needs to appreciate their mother while they are here... spend time with her.
I went and spent some time outside with her drinking in the beauty of eveything in blossom. Just as we were about to go in, she said,"look at the lilacs"... and a butterfly brought us pleasure watching it fliting about, drinking in nectar... a message of transformation.
Everything changes.. nothing really disappears, it just changes form.
Thank you Alice for all the wonderful moments :-)

Resurrection

Being that it is that time again.. Spring... A time of renewal... I felt a bit of a resurrection in myself as well....coming back to the mandala book and even creating a more balanced mandala, rather than a free form one.

There has been so much going on. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels, flying off in various directions.. and this is part of life. Dealing with it all. It comes and it goes. Life speeds up, life slows down.

What really matters is our response to it. Are we responsible in the way we handle situations or do we run from them. There have been times in my past that I would have rather put my head in the sand, and did so, but age, wisdom, experience and maybe a development of more faith and trust in the Universe help me to look at it all square in the face and know that it will pass. The question is "how gracefully?"

Maybe it is lack of resistance, for we know what we resist will persist. Maybe I'm too tired to fight it.. it takes more energy to move against the current. Better to flow with it and see where it will lead.

So, here is one coping mechanism.. art, mandalas used for centering and quieting the mind.
It is a gathering place for me. It is an internal space where I can go to. Where I can find some quiet solace and just be. No more doing... just being.

The ressurrection of the internal Self coming up to the surface to breathe.

A long deep and full breath... rather than a sigh.

Kitchen set... Done!

What I thought was to be a "summer job" turned out to be a year long project... chair by chair and finally the table. Fruits - vegetables and Fun.

I'm usually tempted to over do these things and I did hold back. What would I have done if it was mine......

studio tree

I did a few mandalas - quick ones just to get all this "stuff" bottled up within me out. The most interesting thing I find about doing this art is how the subconscious mind/feelings come up and out on paper. It's similar to "morning pages".. those familar with The Artist's Way know what I mean... it's an emptying out.. brainstorming.. no editing.. no thinking. Just releasing.
It is afterwards, when I look at these mandalas that I notice things.
I have started the process of looking for a new place to live. I have lived in the same place for 33 years and it's time to move on.
I went to look at one apartment and I noticed that the rooms faced north west, the opposite of where I live now. I have one window facing West for the sunset, but my bedroom and art room face the east- south east. Kitchen is north and on the dark side.
There were pros and cons about the place, but what my mind kept returning to was the direction. No morning sun to wake me up.
After doing the mandala, I notice the window and frame around it. Like a compass, it is facing northwest... not to mention the colors.
Northern light is supposed to be good for doing art.
The cons outweighed the pros on this place and I'm still looking.....
I need studio space for my art... period.

windows of the soul

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul.

My eyes change.

They will appear greener if I wear green, sometimes more gray.. grayish blue.

They change... I change.

I constantly find myself looking for direction.. sometimes I seek direction by going within through meditation and sometimes out side my self through reflections in the world.

Synchronicity, Astrology, and feedback from other people.

Looking.. seeking.. Seeing

Sometimes we just cannot see things clearly within ourselves, because of messages we have heard. Those messages have been "contaminated" by inadequate hearing.

For instance, I thought I had a terrible voice. I attribute it to my inability to sing solo in music class in childhood. It wasn't until I taught yoga that people told me how soothing my voice was.

Sheesh. All those times I hesitated to sing, speak up..

Sometimes we think we cannot do something - lack the confidence or courage,

but we CAN!

Sometimes we think we are going in the right direction, but something else comes along and we discover something new and wonderful about ourselves.

We learn a new skill.

We learn a new technique, choose a new art medium and CHANGE!

we are on a new path....

We discover new ways of doing things because we took the risk of going down a new road.

We learn there is more than one way to get where we are going.

We learn it's ok to change direction.

If you looked into my eyes would you see what I see?

Would I see myself in you.

You in me.

Would I see the similarities or the differences?

Do we see our souls deep within and see we are the spark of the Divine....

each making up the Eternal Light.

My path may not be as direct as yours.. it may have less adventure, less heart ache,

more groundedness,

less exciting.

There are times when my path seemed long and challenging,

but I took in the sights, found the beauty where I thought there was none,

and came to a new understanding.

It is through my eyes seeking direction that I've come upon so much love.

That is what matters.

What I do see with my eyes is that it's all good.

I don't have to take the same path as you in order to feel good about myself.

Today I saw many smiling faces, and I took that as affirmation that this path I am on right now is the right path for me. When the path holds joyfulness and warmth, I will continue on it.

In the end, all these paths lead home... so enjoy the one your are on.

Needing color

I have a bunch of mandalas and doodles to upload, but for now here's one I did close to Valentine's day... maybe it was around the last snow storm.
Needing some color on these days... so much snow, gray, white. Luckier than a lot of people here on the east coast, thoguh. Some lost power and have more snow than we do.... but it keeps coming. So many businesses just closed down.. banks, doctors... so much for those SUV's which everyone bought for the snow.
The upside is that I stayed in and did some art.
I do have to go out and will take the camera.
Do I sound cranky.. because I am. This winter seems to be full of resistence for me. Everything takes so much effort. Dressing. Driving. Digging.
I am sure I will appreciate Spring oh so much this year.. Dear Spring, I need your color!

Reawakening

This has been a strange winter for me.. feeling reclusive and limiting my time "out there".. going out when I need to. I guess it goes with the season to some degree.. following nature's cycle of hibernation.
This seems deeper though. Looking for answers within myself, but finding the distractions of life more annoying.... until I see them as messages.
I sit in my chair, reading, meditating, journal my thoughts. I am surrounded by many inspiring objects - things that make me aware of my spirituality, remind me of a higher purpose.
But the questions come back to that.. what IS my higher purpose???
Answers come in strange ways.
I get glimmers of them in unconventional ways... after reading a book which had to do with divine guidance, a card fell from my deck of flowers (angel cards)... just fell over. Not the first card, but somewhere within the deck, and it's message was: Divine Guidance. It made me stop.
I envisioned a hawk and turned to the window. No, hawk wasn't there, but I felt his "presence" and just at that moment my plant moved. It's long stem fell into a new place.
I come to the computer and read something that is pertinent to what I am feeling. It's astrological message is clearing something up for me.. another answer.
It all brings me to accept that if I listen, take notice of my surroundings, I am being constantly being guided.
Even if it is my internal higher self guiding me, it is still guidance.. intuition perhaps.
There is a strong pull to stop and remove myself from the distractions of the world, so I can listen, so I can get closer to the answers of my "being" here. I remind myself that sometimes that is where the answers lie... out there in the world.
Winter brings me in so I can find myself.. so I can then go out into the world reawakened to the best I can be.. to serve and do that which I am being called to do.
I reawaken to the dream I had, renewing my intention to bring it to fruition.
I am tenderly watering that seed, nourishing it with my love.
Waiting patiently for spring, I tend to the internal garden, and hope the blossoms will be a source of inspiration.

Expressions of Love

all paths lead to love

I reach out to you

you come home to me

my heart is here for you

open

and ready to travel far and wide

to be with you

always

Y

Crossing the Chasm

"When we feel stuck, going nowhere -- even starting to slip backward -- we may actually be backing up to get a running start."-- Dan Millman
How funny I should read this today as I had just had this thought recently and think I even made a comment to someone about it....
Sometimes we need the faith to fly.. but at other times, what appears to be a step backwards.. is us taking that running start for the big jump.
You have to eliminate fear if you are going to do that.. no stopping mid-way, or changing your mind.. you just have to do it. YOU HAVE TO -because you know deep inside it is time.
I doodled this the other day making fun of myself. I have a T-shirt that says Stretch Your Boundaries. I usually wear it in yoga class and at other times I need reminding.
My boundaries were stretched when I asked for what I needed, something I find hard to do for some reason. But it was time. The results were better than I expected too :-)
Where can you stretch your boundaries today?
Today mine are going to an Apple class to learn how to use this new computer. I'm expecting this new computer to open up some new possibilities with my art.
The sun is shining.. the snow stayed south of us..
Life is good!

River runs through

What if everything you did, you did it through love? Instead of choosing chaos, we chose tranquility.. There is so much out "there" that can create fear, worry, indecisiveness, confusion... but what if we chose to change our perspective and looked to see what was hidden beneath all of it.. what if we could bring awareness to the possibility that within all that chaos, was some blessing.. ..ready for us to bring it to the surface.

What if this river of love came from our hearts out through our finger tips, so that everything we touched, we did through love. How open can we be when we are bombarded with uncertainty and fearful energy pouring out from our TV sets? We always have a choice.. always.

It is a message that repeatedly comes up, not just for me but for all of us. We choose every minute of everyday... do we respond with anger or love, fear or love, suspicion or love, doubt or with a certainty that it will all work out... no matter how long it takes!

We need to hang tough, have faith and trust the Universe.

May your day be filled with immeasurable quantities of love that takes you on a journey that opens your heart fuller and deeper and all of that pours out into the Universe so we can all share in this glorious journey together... imagine everyone taking part in this giving and receiving of love... open hearted and fearless love.

Now wouldn't THAT be amazing :-)

Namaste'